This Place
by DreamingToAchieving
Summary: I realize for the first time that perhaps I'm not much of a monster at all. This Edward – in this place – is who I want to be. It is who I will be. For you, Bella.


**I really wanted to do something in Edward's P.O.V.**

**This story is movie-verse. It takes places a week after the accident where Edward saves Bella from becoming a pancake. There is no lunch scene where she invites him to La Push, he hasn't saved her from perverts, and he hasn't revealed he's a vampy. ENJOY!**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but love for Edward Cullen.**

"What are you doing?" I asked you.

You were jogging down the front school steps, and I followed just behind you.

"I'm leaving."

"You're ditching," I said.

You opened the door to your truck.

"Way to figure it out," you told me.

I smirked at the way I got under your flushed, appetizing skin. I scolded myself for thinking those thoughts because you're not a meal, Bella. You're so much more.

"I don't think you're going to slip out anywhere with that loud thing," I said.

"That's my truck you're talking about."

I scoffed.

"Your truck is a death wish."

"I love my truck," you respond immediately.

I love _you_, Bella Swan. I know I shouldn't.

"What is with you?"

I thirst for your blood, and I threaten the exposure of my family by talking to you right now. I can snap at any moment, but I refuse to. You mean everything to me.

With a blink of my eyes, I'm in _that _place. The God awful place I wish to never go to. I see myself with a trail of blood traveling down my clothes, and I fear that it's your blood, Bella. I hope it isn't. I scream – I beg – for the image to disappear because I hate that place. That is not who I want to be.

Your voice, thankfully, brings me back into the conversation we are having now. I'm staring at the absolutely nauseatingly desirable way you bite your lip in nervousness.

"You finally push aside that cocky aura you own, and decide to talk to me today. I'm not letting what happened go," you told me. Your forehead crinkled in the slightest, yet cutest way. I was close to breaking out into a grin, but I quickly thought otherwise.

You're bringing up the accident once more. I can't tell you what really happened the day you almost lost your life – precious, fragile, beautiful – before me. I had to save you. I didn't care for the words Rosalie would later shout at me, and I didn't think of the witnesses that could have possibly noticed what your clever eyes did.

"You think I'm cocky?" I ask.

You rolled your eyes at my words before throwing your backpack through the driver side window of your truck. You didn't hear the sound it made as it hit the seat, but I did.

"You're unbelievable," you told me. Your tone of frustration was enough for me to tell that you were reaching the last straw you had left, but I had no way of knowing for sure unlike how I could tell that Mike Newton – the hormonal boy I absolutely despise – is planning to ask you out on a date. I can't read you.

"What are you thinking?" I asked.

You reached for something upon your wrist. It was a rubber-band, and you quickly pinned up your hair with a fluid movement. This action made my thirst all the more wild for you, but I couldn't do what my senses urged me to. I wouldn't let myself.

"Why do you hate me so much?" you asked me.

I let out a chuckle. You were absolutely absurd.

"You think I hate you?" I asked.

"Don't you?"

"Bella, I'm not who you think I am," I told you. I hoped you would get the hint, and get into your truck. I wanted you to drive away. You needed to get as much distance as you could from me.

But you didn't. I feel guilty to admit that I was glad you didn't.

"I don't think anything of you. I don't even know you. Why can't we just be friends? What is so wrong with that?" you asked me. You looked up at me – so innocent, so perfect – and I knew you deserved answers.

"If my past is any indication, I am no good to be your friend, Bella," I told you.

"I don't care who you were. I want to know who you are now."

Your stubborn attitude is another feature I admire greatly about you.

"My past dictates who I am. I can't change it," I said.

You took a step towards me, and I was ready to leap back. I held my stance as best as I could, for your scent was driving me absolutely wild.

"Monsters are real," you murmured.

"Are you delusional?"

"Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and they hold us back. Sometimes they win," you said.

You just stared at me, and I swear that I had never seen such hopeful eyes until then.

"But they also lose," you said.

I know that in that moment I should have told you to get back to class. I know you would have refused. So instead, I thought over the words you just said. My past would not be the monster that chained me and withheld me from gaining the future I wish I could have.

I wish for you to be my future, Bella.

So I did something that was absolutely reckless. I wanted – I needed – to show you what I was. I would never know if a perfect creature like yourself could love something like me until you knew the whole truth.

"Do you trust me?" I asked you.

I was scared for your answer because maybe you already knew what a monster I was. If you did, you would say no. You could save yourself.

"Yes."

You should have said no, Bella. You should have said no, but I was happy that you said yes.

I was so happy, and I felt so ashamed for that.

"We'll be back before the end of the day," I told you. I closed the door to your old truck, and it creaked. The sound rang loud in my ears. I began to approach the car Emmett had driven to school today. He wouldn't miss it. Perhaps he would, but I didn't care too much for him at the moment.

Only you, Bella.

You followed right on my heels.

"My intention of ditching was justified by the thought that I needed quiet time," you said.

"Great. I can be quiet."

I beamed at you, and opened the passenger door to the silver Jeep.

I stared expectantly at you. I waited to see you retreat back into the school doors, but you never left. I could see you were trying to stay firm on your decision to be alone, but you must have known I'm just as stubborn as you. You stayed.

"That isn't what I meant," you said. You crossed your arms.

I lifted my hand for you to take because the Jeep was awfully high. You hesitantly grabbed it, but you held a look of shock when our skin touched. I knew what it was. I was so cold – so terribly, frighteningly cold – that it was almost inhuman. You slid into the Jeep, and I shut the door.

I doomed you from that moment.

Careful not to be too eager to get into the car, I took my time in human speed to get to the driver side. I jumped gracefully into the Jeep.

"It'll be quiet where we're going."

I waited for an answer, but you said nothing. I was still hoping you would save yourself by jumping out from the Jeep at any time as we pulled out of the parking lot. I hoped you would go running into the school doors and not even glance back.

And still you didn't, so we were off.

I could see you staring at me intently from the corner of your eyes as we drove along the deserted road. When you looked out the window at the passing trees, I sneaked a glance at you as well. I tried to drive as slow as I thought necessary for your comfort, but I was becoming anxious. I pulled over along the side of the road.

"There's only forest for miles," you said. I helped you out of the Jeep, but you didn't flinch when you touched my cold skin. I grinned.

"Do you still trust me?"

"Yes," you responded.

You never question me, Bella. It boggles my mind how much trust you have in me.

I remember your confused look as we approached an open field of grass with beautiful purple bell flowers. It was quiet, just as you wished it would be. You examined the field, and you looked awestruck.

"It's gorgeous," you murmured.

It looked pale in comparison to you.

I want to know you. I want to know every worry, dream, or desire in your head. I want to know your fears and what you love. I want you to love me. That can't happen until you know what a monster I truly am.

I stayed hidden in the shadows because of the sunlight, and you approached me. I sat down, and you did just the same.

I heard nothing but silence as I explained to you what I was. You sat there with a shocked look upon your face, but I noticed it slowly began to fade away. I explained why I was so cold, why I was so quick, and why I acted so distant and spiteful towards you. I told you of my trip to Alaska where I spent time trying to forget about how you drove my senses wild.

"I wanted to kill you," I murmured, "It's terrible of me to drag you here where we're alone. It's so tempting."

You shook your head.

"You won't."

"Why do you trust me?" I asked.

"You're not a monster."

"Are you scared?"

You seemed to think over your answer in a few seconds which to me seemed like ages. I was worried over what your answer would be, Bella. I had revealed to you what I was, what I am.

"No."

Every moment that I'm with you can be the moment I snap, Bella. You stare at me with such love-filled eyes. I know it's illogical for a human to love a vampire, but I'm tired of feeling worthless. Like _Frankenstein_, which I have read too many times, the monster only wishes to be loved. I want to be loved by you, Bella.

I felt myself creeping towards you, my hands itching to cradle your face. I lifted a hand to rest along your neck. Your pulse was beginning to pick up pace. You were scared, but you still didn't flinch at my cold touch. I inched ever so slowly to you, and you sucked in oxygen just before my lips were a few inches from yours.

I knew then that perhaps I could overcome the temptation that came alone with being so close to you.

I smirked.

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb."

It was too soon, though. I wouldn't risk your life, Bella. I pulled away before I dared to close the space between our lips.

You asked me to show you what I look like in the sunlight.

I was timid while undressing myself. I stepped cautiously into the open field that was filled with light.

"Beautiful," you whispered. You knew now that I could hear at a great distance, and I realized you had fully intended for me to hear. I feel like my heart – if it were still capable of beating – would have been racing. I'm quite positive of that.

_That_ place once again creeps its way into my mind, and I'm seeing your lifeless body in my arms. I'm crying, and I ask myself whether or not leaking tears was possible for a monster like me. But I know the answer.

Yes, it is quite possible because I'm crying for you, Bella. I could cry for no one else.

And I scream for the image to go away just as I always do because that is not who I am.

I feel like I got as close to nowhere as I could get, and found out it was more of a place than anywhere I've been in a long time.

That place is with you, Bella Swan. I know now that I can love you in the way I wish I can because I am not the man I see when I got to that place. I am different.

_You_ are different. You love a soulless being like me.

I'm staring into your deep, brown eyes as we lay together in the soft bed of grass as the sun warms our skin and I can see a new image forming within my head. I'm scared that it is _that _place once more. That place I go to that drains me of any hope in what our future together can hold.

I see a place completely unlike the other. I am standing there with a wide grin upon my face, and both our families are there, and so is the coven of vampires nearest to Forks. I'm searching for your lifeless body that I alone drained of life, but I can't find you.

But that is when I see the brilliant girl approaching me in a white dress, and she has never looked so beautiful.

It's you, Bella. It has always been you from before I had even been changed to the monster I am.

So I keep this place in my mind, and it has never felt so good to feel like I'm not much of a monster at all.

Sometimes monsters win, and sometimes they lose.

They will lose, Bella. I promise. They will always lose because the new place I have in my mind says so.

Your beautiful grin as you walk down the aisle towards me demands so.

This Edward – in this place – is who I will be.

For you, Bella.


End file.
